😓Sweating online reviews? Don’t...

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I’m feeling real ornery this morning. Madder than this infamous Honey Badger. 

You’ll see why in the Feature Story, which will benefit you whether you freak out about online reviews or don’t care what your customers say about your business.

After I maul a veterinary doctor in that Feature, you can sip on the following sections… 

• The Knowledge Base  

• Self Help (secret strength no one wants)  

• Facts & Stats (referral mindset) 

• Get Hacking (send & make it rain)

On to the Feature Story…

Barbaric Veterinarian (4 Stars)

A few months ago, I was laughing at a friend’s ridiculous tale her mother-in-law had told.

The story was impossible to believe, so I assumed the maw-in-law was a nut.

Turned out she was not. And her horrific tale, I now believe 100% after reading the worst Google Reviews for a business I’ve read in my life.

I’m still debating whether I will give the link out to that barbarian animal doctor, but just know…

I’ve never wished a business would go out of business. That streak’s over now. I hope they close down by this afternoon.

I’ll get to the barbaric details in a moment. My main point is that you no longer have to sweat Google Reviews.

Why?

This awful veterinarian has an average of 4 stars. 

That decent average is meaningless, once you look closer.

Far as I’m concerned, no one should trust any online review average. It’s a must to dig into them to see what’s really going on. 

I read about 30 of this veterinarian’s reviews, and it’s unfathomable anyone would take their pet there, even if they read just one account of the terrible treatment of the animals.

But they’re still in business. 

So, clearly, no business owner should be losing sleep over a few bad reviews (that are not based on being an awful human being). Long wait times or cold french fries or lost packages that garner a 3-star review are nothing to worry about. 

Another point is there are some customers you do not want.

Most of the positive reviews for this animal hospital noted how cheap the prices were... 

• Affordable

• Reasonable prices

• Inexpensive

Many of those folks even blasted the negative reviewers, saying stuff like…

• “It’s not a person. It’s just a dog.”

• “These people are being too sensitive.”

• “I like Dr. _____. He may be rude but at least he doesn’t do unnecessary tests.”

That’s more proof it’s unwise to make a business’s unique selling point low low prices.

What was so bad about this dude who’s supposed to care for his animal patients? 

Rough With the Pups

At least three reviews said the doctor snatched up the person’s pet then slammed them on the exam table! 

I imagine that veterinarian would get a number 2 pencil stuck in his eyeball if he did that in my uncivilized little town. 

“1-star. Doctor slammed my poodle down. So I stabbed him in the eye. Then burned the building down.”

At least four reviewers said they left in tears and got no compassion… not even from the staff. 

The doctor apparently hired a bunch of sociopaths to “stay on brand” with no bedside manner. I guess that woulda slowed their process down. 

 I cannot even mention how those pet owners were given the terrible news about their pets in those cases. 

If I had to bet, I’d say this veterinarian hates his job (and animals now) but can’t quit due to a mountain of debt.

Worthless Reviews

If you’ve been reading Inbox Hacking for a while, you know I’m always on the side of the business when it comes to online.

I think most habitually bad reviewers are too entitled and expect to be treated like royalty. Even at Burger King. Even if they’re an influencer with 98 followers. 

But in the case of the barbaric veterinarian, I’m on the side of the bad reviewers… obviously.

Still, it makes me think that online reviews don’t really tell consumers much. 

Not unless they are willing to read through more than the first few.

In this case, if I were a competitor, you can believe I’d highlight all the worst reviews of the low-life running the animal hospital down the road.

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Self-Help

The weakest person in the U.S. (physically or mentally) has a super-strength they can use any time they want.

Attention.

Pay attention in today’s insanely-distracted world and you WILL go far whether in business, a career, or a competitive hobby. I’d put money on you.

Here’s what your competition looks like. Saw it yesterday. Fed-Ex truck comes up behind this lady walking. He follows her for 60 yards. Even blows the horn. She never hears it (Airpods in, no doubt).

Dude eventually stops the truck, hops out, runs up to tap her on the shoulder so she’ll move!  

Attention is your super-strength. Your competition has it too. But they’ve no interest in using it.

Facts & Stats

Bonus: Roku set to dominate the connected TV advertising market with projections indicating $5 billion in revenue by 2029. Who’s its closest competitor in the CTV market at $3 billion projected? Answer at end of email.

Get Hacking

A specific strategy to implement today

Cold email is dead. Long live cold email.

Which one should you believe? Well, check out the upcoming Friday edition of Inbox Hacking to see why I think cold email can be an unsung hero for brands and solopreneurs.

But if you take my word for it (and Mark Cuban’s and Theo Von’s), no need to wait. Shoot off a couple of practice cold emails before the end of the day.

Just don’t make the mistake I’ve made in the past → not being consistent.

I can pitch like ole Nolan Ryan. But it didn’t matter because I failed to put a system in place. 

And a scattered approach didn’t produce much.

Inbox Hacking is read by solid marketers like yourself at ESPN & Allstate. Please share this newsletter with your people. Thanks for reading.

Shane McLendon, Copy Kingpin 

Bonus answer from Facts & Stats section: Samsung is projected to be Roku’s closest competitor in the CTV ad market.

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